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NAMPA, ID—Expressing their dismay with one more product overtaken by the liberal conspiracy to destroy conventional life, conservatives across the nation reportedly started boycotting computer systems Friday after noticing their keyboards might be used to sort the phrase “trans.” “These woke keyboards are trying to pressure conservative fingers to sort ‘trans,’ and I name on my fellow American patriots to destroy their computer systems instantly,” stated native conservative man Bryce Whitten, including that this was simply one other try by the worldwide woke conspiracy to compel Individuals to make use of the institution alphabet. “I hate to think about the injury these anti-American computer systems have already executed. I’ve used computer systems for years, however yesterday I discovered myself typing out the phrase ‘trans,’ and it hit me—that is an apparent effort by Marxist left-wing firms like Apple and Microsoft, in all probability funded by George Soros, to make us sort issues we don’t need to sort. They even have the T and R keys proper subsequent to one another to subliminally encourage harmless folks to sort ‘trans.’ I attempted eradicating the T, R, A, N, and S keys, however then I noticed I might nonetheless sort ‘woke,’ and that was it for me. Who is aware of how deep into the alphabet this conspiracy goes. For Christ’s sake, they’re making an attempt to market these computer systems to kids! I urge my fellow conservatives to take away all computing gadgets with keyboards from their kids’s fingers to allow them to’t be groomed!” At press time, sources confirmed conservatives throughout the nation had been making an attempt to flee the woke conspiracy of left-wing letters by renouncing the English language totally.
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