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CUPERTINO, CA—Nonetheless sporting the fishnet tights, spiked steel collar, and brightly coloured pasties he had worn to the competition, late-returning Burning Man attendee Greg Schaffer was pressured Tuesday to drive his fantastical wood ship straight to work. “So sorry I’m late, my fellow burners and I obtained caught on the freeway and it took us perpetually to transcend the bodily realm,” stated the mud- and dirt-caked Schaffer, who rapidly peeled into the company car parking zone, instructed his topless feminine crew to sit down tight, and hurriedly sprinted into the workplace. “Honestly, I’d have been right here sooner, however I obtained caught on this superior orgy after which I let some man in a chicken masks experience me round like a horse for 2 hours in trade for this superior turquoise cranium. Would anybody be keen to barter for some espresso? I’m nonetheless hallucinating from the psychedelic mushrooms I took this morning.” At press time, Schaffer was relieved after watching the car parking zone refill with different burning man attendees pressured to experience winged unicycles, drive a bus formed like a cat, or fly an enormous steel dragon.
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