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WINNETKA, IL—Describing a dialog that befell at a household gathering Friday, family members of native conservative man Dennis Sherman informed reporters it was apparent the 57-year-old’s terrifying descriptions of Chicago had come instantly from Dante’s Inferno. “He goes on and on about how wicked and terrible town is, however he’s clearly simply regurgitating verbatim all of the stuff he’s examine hell within the first canticle of The Divine Comedy,” stated Sherman’s niece Stella Simmons, a scholar at Columbia School in downtown Chicago, which her uncle known as a spot the place residents are consistently prone to having their flesh gnawed upon for all eternity by the three mouths of Lucifer. “He requested me how I may presumably stay there among the many tortured souls of the damned, and grumbled that you simply couldn’t pay him to go south of the Phlegethon as of late as a result of it’s nothing greater than sinners getting shot filled with arrows in a river of boiling blood. I attempted to inform him that’s not how it’s day after day, however he saved saying he’s examine a plain of burning sand alongside the Crimson Line the place it rains hearth and individuals are routinely feasted upon by harpies.” The conservative man did concede Chicago had some good eating places, however stated it wasn’t value paying the toll on the River of Oblivion simply to finish up getting hacked to items by a horned demon who wields a flaming sword.
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