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DAYTON, OH—Inadvertently breaching the boundary to the underworld as a result of he didn’t need to shell out hard-earned cash, native dad Curtis Morgan reportedly opened up the gates of hell Wednesday whereas trying to repair the kitchen sink himself. “Goddammit, don’t fear, I’ll handle all this goat’s blood—I have to’ve simply loosened the improper pipe,” stated Morgan, telling the household that whereas he labored on the issue they may nonetheless wash their dishes by passing by means of the newly opened portal and cleaning their plates, bowls, and cups in a lake of everlasting hellfire. “Look, I’ve been repairing issues for a very long time. I understand how to forged these tortured souls again into the infernal abyss. I simply want some Drano.” At press time, supply confirmed a defeated Morgan had been pressured to name a licensed priest.
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